PRIDE & JOY
Elders Group is a Vital (and Friendly) Resource
by Christy Carley
PHOTOS COURTESY QUEER ELDERS AND BY CHRISTY CARLEY
At the Bainbridge Pride Festival last June, islanders Mike McCloud, George Shannon and Eve Palay sat under a tent adorned with a variety of colorful flags. The three chatted and cracked jokes as festivalgoers stopped by to ask questions or sign up for an email list, while snagging a Starburst or temporary rainbow tattoo.
“I felt terribly guilty and ashamed of being gay for a long time,” said McCloud, who came out in his late 60s. But, he added, “as society progressed and became more understanding and tolerant and accepting of homosexuality, I went through that same sort of evolution.”
After coming out, McCloud began searching for a community on the island where he might find support. A neighbor told him about the Queer Elders Family Group through the Senior Community Center.
“I felt like I was eagerly welcomed into [the group],” McCloud said. “They didn’t want to talk at me, they wanted to hear from me, which was great.”
When Queer Elders was founded in 2019, a lot of thought was put into the name. The word “queer” can come with baggage, especially for older generations who recall hearing it as a slur. In the late 1980s and early ‘90s, though, the word was reclaimed as a rallying cry by the LGBTQIA+ community as it fought for equal rights and brought attention to the AIDS crisis through organizations, such as Act Up. After some spirited discussion, Queer Elders opted to honor this legacy.
Careful attention was paid to the word “elders,” too. Ann Lovejoy, one of the group’s founders, advocated for “elders,” which, she said, “is not about a number. It’s about your position in your relationships and in the community. Elders is a very honorable term in many cultures.”
But one doesn’t have to identify as queer—or consider oneself an elder—to join. Allies, as well as members of the queer community of all ages, are welcome to attend the group’s events, which include monthly meetings at the Senior Center; drop-in coffee sessions at Cups; and annual Queer Bingo: a lively event (often involving costumes and dancing) that raises money for a scholarship supporting members of the queer community studying the arts and humanities. This January, Queer Elders will also host a jigsaw puzzle contest to raise money for the Senior Center.
True to its name, the most important work of the Queer Elders Family Group is to serve as a kind of chosen family for its members. The impetus for forming the group came from a discussion about how members of the queer community could know that they were welcome at the Senior Center. This eventually led to an inclusion study group and, eventually, Queer Elders was born.
Today, Queer Elders boasts about 100 total members, with a couple dozen showing up regularly to events. Members drive each other to and from medical appointments. They stock fridges full of groceries and help one another move. Most importantly, they create a welcoming space—one that’s equally suited to lighthearted camaraderie and thoughtful reflection.
When COVID hit, the group held online discussions, some attended by high school students eager to learn more about LGBTQIA+ history.
“[The students] really wanted to hear stories,” said Lovejoy. “’How did you get through it? How did you manage?’”
While some members of Queer Elders first came out as older adults, others have been active in the queer community for decades.
Dave Schulz, who moved to Bainbridge in 2014, was an early member of Act Up in New York, and later became active in San Diego’s gay community. Now 75, Schulz recalls hiding his sexuality as a young adult, ultimately coming out at age 30. As members of the queer community—and especially transgender individuals—face political and social challenges, Schulz hopes that he and other members of Queer Elders can provide insight to younger generations.
“One resource we have is that we come from a time when there was far less tolerance,” Schulz said. “Having gone through the AIDS crisis, having gone through the Lavender Scare of McCarthyism, which booted people out of jobs, we survived. While it may seem dark now, it does get better.”
At the Pride Festival, attendees of all ages approached the Queer Elders booth with curiosity and enthusiasm.
“This is our gift to the community,” said Eve Palay, who came out as trans in 2016 and has been active in Queer Elders since its inception. “Not our gift to the gay community or the trans community, but our gift to the island community.”
For more information, visit qefgbainbridge.org
